Wednesday, January 10, 2001
such a stupid smile. she greets me in the hall. my head snaps up to see who called my name. my lips form an automatic, almost default, smile, just in case. "hi" i say, wiggling the fingers of my left hand. my right is occupied holding my biology book. an art folder too, i think. it's a good thing we're walking different directions, i cannot keep up this smile for long. i've barely gone three or four steps when i feel my face pulling back, resisting the smile. i try to keep it there for a moment more, but the result, i realize, is more of a scowl than a smile. i let my face fall. i must look silly to any that observe me in secret. the smiling scowling falling girl. i glance around, no one even sees me. the smiling scowling falling invisible girl. i walk into my class. i write this down, so i may remember it for later. i am intensly aware of my face, while i write this. i wonder what thoughts it betrays to the watchful eye. does my furrowed brow lead observers to think that i am searching for a word, left by the holes in my vocabulary, or do they perhaps infer that i am searching for an answer to a difficult question, or something completely different? i try to force my face into impassivity, when i realize no one is looking anyway. the smiling scowling falling furrowing yet enduringly invisible girl.
posted by emily oi! at 3:36:00 PM
0 comments
such a stupid smile. she greets me in the hall. my head snaps up to see who called my name. my lips form an automatic, almost default, smile, just in case. "hi" i say, wiggling the fingers of my left hand. my right is occupied holding my biology book. an art folder too, i think. it's a good thing we're walking different directions, i cannot keep up this smile for long. i've barely gone three or four steps when i feel my face pulling back, resisting the smile. i try to keep it there for a moment more, but the result, i realize, is more of a scowl than a smile. i let my face fall. i must look silly to any that observe me in secret. the smiling scowling falling girl. i glance around, no one even sees me. the smiling scowling falling invisible girl. i walk into my class. i write this down, so i may remember it for later. i am intensly aware of my face, while i write this. i wonder what thoughts it betrays to the watchful eye. does my furrowed brow lead observers to think that i am searching for a word, left by the holes in my vocabulary, or do they perhaps infer that i am searching for an answer to a difficult question, or something completely different? i try to force my face into impassivity, when i realize no one is looking anyway. the smiling scowling falling furrowing yet enduringly invisible girl.
posted by emily oi! at 3:36:00 PM
0 comments
