Saturday, January 27, 2001
i can never say what i want to say to csd2 in person . when i see him it is all i can do not to stare into his eyes , looking like a fool , or rather a lovestruck puppy , clinging and following him around . a nuisance . i watched his hands as he held llf , and i wished i had a camera , even though this would not have been sufficient . i wanted to capture their movement , i think now that a flipbook would best be able to portray this particular style . his hands jump from frame to frame, progressing and moving with a grace so unexpected , so striking that i felt a yearning to hold them , to memorize every bump , curve and line of his fingers . and eventually , in the advent of the evening , he and i sat on the floor and i requested his hand . i learned it by rote . i committed to memory the texture of his skin , the way in which his fingers seemed to require additional joints to be able to bloom and entwine , the way their travel suggested . the sun had set , and the house was dark save for a few lights in other rooms , casting us into perpetual twilight . althought everyone was home , the house was quiet . my brother was reading a religious text , my mother a detective novel , most likely , and my father a book of speeches by mark twain . we spoke softly so as to leave the silence intact . or not at all . i had no words to say , and my nervous twittering seemed to have sunk with the sun . as i traced the bones in his hand , i muttered delicately about the beauty of those hands , and i wondered what he would say if he could read my thoughts . but moments such as these are not long-lived , and this one withered away under the tramping of time's perpetual march . he whispered that he should probably go , he had to watch his sister tonight . i made a feeble attempt at would-be cantankerocity , hoping to stall long enought to think of a good reason for him to stay , but i knew i would have to let him go . i said goodbye . they always seem akward , as though that one word was too breif to sum up or lay any finality to the day's doings . but goodbye is goodbye . and he left .
posted by emily oi! at 9:01:00 PM
0 comments
i can never say what i want to say to csd2 in person . when i see him it is all i can do not to stare into his eyes , looking like a fool , or rather a lovestruck puppy , clinging and following him around . a nuisance . i watched his hands as he held llf , and i wished i had a camera , even though this would not have been sufficient . i wanted to capture their movement , i think now that a flipbook would best be able to portray this particular style . his hands jump from frame to frame, progressing and moving with a grace so unexpected , so striking that i felt a yearning to hold them , to memorize every bump , curve and line of his fingers . and eventually , in the advent of the evening , he and i sat on the floor and i requested his hand . i learned it by rote . i committed to memory the texture of his skin , the way in which his fingers seemed to require additional joints to be able to bloom and entwine , the way their travel suggested . the sun had set , and the house was dark save for a few lights in other rooms , casting us into perpetual twilight . althought everyone was home , the house was quiet . my brother was reading a religious text , my mother a detective novel , most likely , and my father a book of speeches by mark twain . we spoke softly so as to leave the silence intact . or not at all . i had no words to say , and my nervous twittering seemed to have sunk with the sun . as i traced the bones in his hand , i muttered delicately about the beauty of those hands , and i wondered what he would say if he could read my thoughts . but moments such as these are not long-lived , and this one withered away under the tramping of time's perpetual march . he whispered that he should probably go , he had to watch his sister tonight . i made a feeble attempt at would-be cantankerocity , hoping to stall long enought to think of a good reason for him to stay , but i knew i would have to let him go . i said goodbye . they always seem akward , as though that one word was too breif to sum up or lay any finality to the day's doings . but goodbye is goodbye . and he left .
posted by emily oi! at 9:01:00 PM
0 comments
